


why are you still here with me?

by taburosa



Series: i was a train wreck, but you took the ride [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taburosa/pseuds/taburosa
Summary: alec had a bad day; all he should want is a lot of alcohol and a sea of faces. instead, he finds himself at magnus' and can't figure out why this perfect man wants to be by his side.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: i was a train wreck, but you took the ride [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735810
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57





	why are you still here with me?

**Author's Note:**

> this is perhaps my favourite universe i've ever written and i'm enjoying it immensely. if you want me to continue writing for this series, or have anything you would like to see this alec and magnus doing, please let me know.
> 
> not entirely needed, but perhaps better understood after reading [give me one more night with you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24032206)

There was a hole punched in the living room wall and blood coating Alec’s knuckles.

The gaping hole was slightly larger than the one to its left and Alec was going to need to find something wider than his usual take-out menu to cover it up. There was plaster coating the floor in a thin layer of dust and the surrounding paint was chipped. His hand was stinging slightly from where he had picked at the skin, and the whisky he was haphazardly pouring into a stained, glass tumbler splashed over the side and licked at the wounded flesh, the man barely wincing as the alcohol came into contact with his injury.

He had yet to change out of his dirty apron, the emerald green now a dark brown from the pool of scalding hot chocolate that had found its way onto his lap from a child’s hand earlier in the day. His jeans were covered in specks of sugar from where he had brushed his hands on them, and his name badge sat quiet at the bottom of his boss’ trash can.

He had been fired, _again_.

This time, Alec had been told to leave after being held back from punching the young girl’s father after she gave him, what Alec claimed to be, third degree burns on his dick.

Alec couldn’t say he particularly cared about the job so much, the monotony of pouring bland coffee orders wearing his patience thin after just short two weeks, but this was the third job he had lost in the space of the year. It was only May.

He poured himself another whisky, swallowing it down as fast as the first, and an unread text sat mockingly on his phone.

 **[10:52pm]: 347-221-1955:** _come over?_

Alec grabbed a packet of cigarettes out of the pocket of his discarded jacket and lit one before taking a seat, not bothering to stick his head out of the window and instead allowing the wisps of smoke to fill the room.

He had lasted three weeks. A new record.

Normally, upon a day like today, Alec would have emptied the packet within an hour or so, washing the taste of tar down with at least half a bottle of bottom shelf whisky. He would crave faceless and sweaty bodies grinding around him as he loses himself in the sound of shitty drum and bass. Now, and not for the first time, he craves a warm, manicured hand intertwining its fingers with his own.

Alec picked up his phone from the coffee table. Opening it up to a selfie of himself and Magnus that lived as his lock screen, he felt a wretched twist of guilt in his stomach as he raised the cigarette back up to his lips. The cracks on the phone’s screen distorted the image slightly, but Magnus’ light appeared to shine through the shattered glass. It was a stupid photo, Magnus pursing his lips at the camera in a pretend kiss with his face pressed against Alec’s bare chest. It had been early in the morning, the pair of them hungover from a long night before, and Alec knew that hiding underneath the camera’s view, Magnus’ blue glitter sparkled against the pale skin of Alec’s thighs.

Alec allowed himself to look at the photo for a few seconds before opening the text from the unknown number.

 **[10:56pm]:** _fuck off._

Alec wasn’t entirely sure of who had texted him but didn’t care enough to ask, presuming them to be a hopeful hook up, and blocked them as soon as underneath his message read _delivered._

He quickly finished his first cigarette, stubbing it out on the corner of the coffee table, and lit another. He was about to stand again to pour himself another drink when his phone buzzed once more. Rolling his eyes, he snatched it from where he had discarded it next to him on the couch. The scowl on his face lessening when he read the message.

 **[10:59pm]: magnus:** _Good evening, darling. I thought you would have finished your shift by now,_

_but I had yet to hear from you. I hope work wasn’t terribly awful._

Despite himself, Alec smiled for one of the first times today. Magnus, who Alec knew had lectures all day and would probably be exhausted, still felt Alec was important enough to _hear from_ , as though his day at work actually _mattered_. Alec stubbed out the remaining half of his cigarette and stood. He headed over to his bedroom, crossing the distance in less than ten steps, and discarded his apron on the floor. Not bothering to shower first, he changed into his usual attire of a black sweater, a gift from Isabelle, and a pair of grey sweatpants. Slipping his feet into his most beaten-up vans, he replied to Magnus.

**[11:03pm]:** _i’m coming over._

He swiped his subway card off the kitchen counter and easily tossed back another shot of whiskey, his throat now immune to the sharp sting that used to burn even the next day, and headed out of the door. Normally, Alec would stumble, concerned at his own desperation to be around a man that wasn’t even officially his boyfriend nor was he, at that moment in time, after a fuck; but, tonight, Alec allowed himself to embrace this desperation and found himself on the first train to Magnus’ apartment within minutes.

Unable to check his messages while underground, Alec first glanced at his phone, lit up with two messages from Magnus, once he came to a stop outside of Magnus’ apartment building.

**[11:25pm]: magnus:** _You’re always welcome here, Alexander._

**[11:26pm]: magnus:** _I haven’t found much time to eat yet today, and I am sure you have once again forgotten_

_to feed yourself this evening, so I have ordered extra servings of Pad Thai from the nice place_

_down the road, do hurry and get here soon. x_

Alec scrunched his eyebrows in concern as he reads that Magnus has not had time to eat, when, in that exact moment, he realises his empty stomach had been growling in hunger for almost the entire ride here. He smiles while punching in the passcode to Magnus’ front door, pleased that Magnus isn’t annoyed at his impromptu arrival, and heads up the several flights of stairs.

He doesn’t knock before he enters Magnus’ apartment often anymore, especially now as the other man is expecting his arrival and Alec kicks off his shoes before going to find him. The small entrance almost as large as Alec’s bedroom.

The first time Alec had visited Magnus’ place was a daunting, terrifying task that left Alec biting his bottom lip and sucking the blood back into his mouth. It wasn’t extravagant per say, just larger and more beautifully decorated than Alec could have ever imagined. Eccentric statues sat on piles of biology textbooks that Alec couldn’t understand, and large tapestries were draped across the exposed brick walls. Alec had felt a sense of shame wash over him at his own apartment; the only decoration in many of his rooms being the discarded items he had thrown from his pockets that he had yet to toss in the trash chute. Upon returning home, Alec had attempted to tidy up before Magnus visited again, though Magnus never seemed anything other than at home in Alec’s apartment, and did not appear to mind the patches of damp that were still going unfixed by Alec’s landlord.

“Magnus?” Alec called out.

“Out here, Alexander.”

Upon learning Alec’s _real_ name, two long months ago, Magnus had taken to almost exclusively referring to his name fully, only calling him by his shortened version in urgent, short bursts when his lungs were lacking oxygen as Alec pressed against him. Before Magnus, and fallen from any others’ lips, his full name would have had Alec recoiling and cringing.

Alec doesn’t often let himself think about _before_ Magnus.

Not only was Magnus’ apartment stunning for a surprisingly cheap Brooklyn loft, it also, much to Alec’s delight, possessed a spacious balcony. The space was overflowing with potted plants, all flourishing, and pots of varying shapes and colours; Magnus had flushed pink and stared at the ground as he revealed several attempts of his own resulting in misshapen, yet adorable, ceramic pots.

There was also a small bench pushed off to one side, with plump cushions and a small, matching outdoor table. Magnus had curled up with his legs tucked underneath him, digging into a container of noodles with his chopsticks.

“Hey, babe.” 

Alec stepped out onto the balcony and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Magnus’ head. Dipping down he stole a fried green bean from a container on the table and seated himself next to Magnus.

“How was your day?” Alec sighed, wrapping his sleeves over his fists.

“No’ too bad.” Magnus mumbled; his mouth full. “Got told about an exam in a fe’ weeks, other than that,” Magnus shrugged to finish his sentence. After taking another bite of his food he put the dish on the table, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and spun in his seat to face Alec.

“You look tired, dear.” Magnus said, voice quiet against the loud city. He brushed his thumb across the top of Alec’s cheek, smoothing out the small wrinkles around his eyes, and dropped his hand to rest at the back of Alec’s neck. “Long day?”

Alec, still amazed at Magnus’ constant softness, melted underneath his touch. Alec knows that, after his disastrous past fuckups, he perhaps doesn’t deserve the gentle touch of Magnus’ fingertips on his neck, his bare fingers warm on his cold skin, nor does he deserve the slow press of Magnus’ lips against his cheek.

“You could say that. I got fired, Magnus.” Alec took a deep breath, shutting his eyes as Magnus stayed silent for a moment.

“What happened?” He asked gently.

“Some kid, she split her drink all over me while running around. I might have had words with her dad in front of everyone.” Alec mumbled, pulling his sleeves even tighter around his now clamped fists. He dug his nails into the palm of his hands, pulling at the skin of his sore knuckles.

“Words?”

“I called him a whining little bitch in front of his five-year-old.”

Magnus, who continues to be a constant stream of surprises, laughs loudly. His chuckle bright enough to push the darkness out of the corner of Alec’s eyes. “He sounds like one.”

“You’re not mad?” Alec whispered, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on the thin skin.

“Alexander,” Magnus said his name in a breath, “Of course, I’m not angry at you. It’s less than ideal, yes. But you weren’t happy there, maybe now you can find somewhere you do enjoy working.”

Magnus reached over and took one of Alec’s hands in his own, pulling it free of the sleeve and gasping when he saw the wounds.

“ _Alec_ ,” He trailed a finger slowly over the cuts, retracting his hand when Alec winced, “stay right there.”

Magnus hurried off, the tails of his house coat trailing behind him, and left Alec alone for no longer than a minute. He returned with a small green first-aid kit in his hands.

“Really, Magnus. It’s nothing.”

“You’re bleeding, that isn’t nothing.”

Magnus made quick work of unloading everything he needs from the box; bandages, wipes and alcohol solution are placed on the table alongside the now discarded food. He grabs Alec’s hand, placing it on his knee, light enough to not hurt Alec further, but with a firm enough grip that Alec knows not to move his hand away. Alec wouldn’t want to anyway.

Magnus’ fingers were light as they brush a cleansing wipe over the cuts, and he rubs his thumb over the side of Alec’s hand when he winces. His eyebrows were creased, scrunched together in concentration as he slowly bandaged Alec’s hand. Alec stares at the top of his head and doesn’t blink away the fog filling his vision. _His_ Magnus, if he could call him that, was wasting his evening bandaging Alec’s wounds without a second of hesitation. Alec was broken parts, mashed and unintelligible, and Magnus was becoming the string that pulled them together.

Last time Alec had busted his knuckles, the cuts became infected and he’d invited another stranger into his bed.

Magnus presses the bandage onto Alec’s skin and finishes his job with a soft kiss against the fabric.

“Magnus,” Alec’s voice had sounded strangled to his own ears, and he could feel bile rising in his throat. He regrets the cigarettes.

“Oh, darling.”

Magnus doesn’t hesitate to take Alec into his arms, wrapping himself around the other man as Alec sank into him, gasping. He didn’t seem to mind that Alec was dripping tears onto his satin housecoat, or that he had ruined his relaxing evening. He also didn’t mention that Alec smelt faintly of stale smoke and cheap booze.

Alec was drowning, neck deep in blood and fire.

“It’s okay, dear. I’ve got you.”

Magnus was the break in the surface of the water.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be dealing with this.”

Magnus backed away slightly, but kept his arms firmly placed around Alec’s neck.

“Alexander, you never have anything to be sorry for. I’ve got you.”

He had expected Magnus to be angry, to turf Alec out onto the streets as the clock ticked over to midnight. Instead, Magnus drew Alec closer into his chest, and let him drift to sleep on his shoulder, his hand healing and the hole in his chest closing.

Alec was falling, hurtling towards the ground at a startling speed. Plummeting, with wind in his hair and his lungs filling with air.

But Magnus was stood, feet firmly grounded into the sidewalk, ready to catch him.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](https://iambeingcoy.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/iambeingcoy)


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